If you have to choose between what I’m saying and how I look while saying it, you will intuitively discount my words and believe what you see
If I am dropping eye contact or checking texts messages or rotating my shoulders while you are speaking, you don’t feel heard – even if I tell you I’m listening and can repeat every word you just said. Here’s why . . . Most explanations of human behaviour assume that people are strongly influenced by…
When it comes to fear and anxiety, we tend to fight our feelings even though we would be better off using them
We all tell ourselves stories that cause us to behave in peculiar ways – even if our behaviour seems logical in the moment. We might not even be aware of how compromised our problem-solving mechanisms might be perceived by others (or ourselves if we were more objective). There’s an old joke about a fellow walking…
Charisma is all about an individual's infectious positive attitude and personal energy, as projected through body language
Charisma has been described as personal magnetism or charm. To me, charisma is all about an individual's infectious positive attitude and personal energy, as projected through his or her body language. People are the most charismatic when they are genuinely enthused, confident and upbeat about themselves and their topic. And as a leadership coach, I…
Feet close together, you're timid or hesitant; feet wide apart, you look more solid and sure of yourself
Two of your colleagues are talking in the hallway. You'd like to join the conversation, but you don't know if you'll be seen as a rude interruption or a welcome addition. Want to find out? Just watch their feet. When you approach the twosome, you will be acknowledged in one of two ways. If the…
If you want to be evaluated as authoritative, understand what’s at stake in any situation and adjust your body language accordingly
Before the meeting began, Adam assumed a power pose: standing with hands on hips and feet wide apart for two full minutes to get all the advertised benefits of doing so. It worked. He could almost feel his stress level lowering and his self-confidence rising. By the time he strode into the conference room, took…
The high achievers of today are not so much a product of superior expertise as they are a product of superior networks
What really distinguishes high performers from the rest of the pack is their ability to maintain and leverage large, diversified networks that are rich in experience and span all organizational boundaries. Ironic, isn't it? Here we are, smack in the middle of the Information Age, discovering that our greatest advantages aren't coming from what we know…
The worst thing an organisation can do is to reward pathological behaviour
One of my bosses, Janet, was clever, hardworking and had an amazing eye for detail. She had high standards: if you e-mailed with a question at 10 p.m., she replied by 10.05. She worked hard, delivered on time, hated mistakes and expected the same from her team. She was driving us mad. We had been…
Research shows that your posture affects both how you feel and how others perceive you
My name is Carol and I’m a posture junkie. It all began with the reaction I saw when I was introduced as a speaker who writes and lectures about body language. I watched as people automatically changed their posture. They held their heads higher, pulled their shoulders back and tightened their abdominal muscles. In doing…
Making sure you understand the kind of signals your body is sending is important every time you are talking to someone
One time, during a radio interview entitled "What you're saying without speaking," I was asked to comment on the host's body language. He was a very good sport about being critiqued in public, and he quickly understood that, in order to change your body language, you must first be aware of what your body is…
Calling it ’knowledge philanthropy’ rather than ‘pro bono’ makes me feel like I am giving, rather than giving something away
As an entrepreneur I get a lot of requests to give away expertise ‘for a good cause’. Many times I have to say no. However, I have started to intentionally incorporated knowledge philanthropy into my lifestyle portfolio (not my business portfolio). Here are some of the lessons I learned around how I say ‘YES!’ to…
None of us are at our best when our boundaries are being pushed
We've all heard the nursery rhyme “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” But we know better. In fact, we know all too well that words can hurt and so does the interpretation of our nonverbal behaviours (like not paying attention, interrupting or day dreaming when someone is speaking).…
Stay the course and hold on to your vision, no matter what anyone says about you
War is a powerful metaphor for work. So says Kay Hammer, author of Workplace Warrior, Insights and advice for winning on the corporate battlefield. The real enemies aren't only bad bosses and inefficient management, it's also yourself. The toughest battles we fight are often with ourselves. Hammer should know. She fought all the way to…
And why it is important
For some people there is a fine line between confidence and narcissism. But even with it being a balancing trick, everyone needs to have some confidence. There are a million things that feeling good about yourself can do from you, from personal life to business life. For some people, building confidence comes naturally; for others…
How do you deal with stress?
"Every day is a new day." At no time in recent memory has this phrase been more poignant. The situation has gone from one of sudden, unexpected crisis to that of chronic, daily stress. It is emotionally and psychologically exhausting. In the workplace, the pressure to make good decisions and produce good results has never…
Most workplace lies (and liars) are discovered after the fact – it's time to put an end to the cycle and end the lies before the harm is done
Most workplace lies (and liars) are discovered after the fact – after you’ve signed the faulty contract, hired the wrong person or agreed to work on that career-limiting project. Wouldn’t it be great (as well as a professional advantage) to spot liars in action, before the harm was done? To sharpen your lie-detection ability, follow…